Thursday, November 19, 2009

Police Beat

Every week in the Daily Universe (BYU's newspaper), the BYU Police publish a report of some of the criminal mischief and suspicious activity that occurred on campus. This is really the only interesting thing to read in the paper, besides the occasional letter to the editor claiming that it's wrong for the Bookstore to display Halloween decorations (it's Devil worship), complaining about the price of bus passes, or noting that it is improper for women to wear messenger bags across their chests (it's a modesty issue).

Here are some excerpts from some recent Police Beat publications:

Nov. 5:
A man in his 60s and woman in her 20s showed up at the Morris Center. They went to the back of the cafeteria where the woman posed provocatively while the man took her picture. An employee asked who they were and the man said he was a BYU alumnus. They were gone when police arrived.

October 31:
Six individuals were reported throwing something wet off the Tanner parking structure. The substance was determined to be soup. The suspects were instructed to clean up the mess.

October 26:
A caller reported a male behaving suspiciously in a parked car. Officers investigated and the suspect was simply taking a nap.

October 30:
Several males were running through Brigham Square wearing only capes and underwear. When officers arrived, the caped crusaders were gone.

October 23: A call was received at 4 a.m. from Heritage Halls reporting five students arguing about a laser pointer. The students were shining the laser into the eyes of people driving and students walking by. The students with the laser pointer were informed about the dangers of laser pointers and given warnings.

October 9: A suspicious male was reported to be wearing a long black coat and cracking a whip in a parking lot. Police were not able to find him.

Important questions these reports raise:
-where did the police learn about the dangers of laser pointers?
-what kind of soup was it? Was it still warm?
-is the Morris Center known for attracting the wrong kind of crowd?
-how do all the suspects disappear before the police arrive?

If you want to read the Police Beat online, just go to You wont regret it!


Patricia said...

Boy howdy, Provo is one baaad town!
You better be careful!

Kathy Haynie said...

On one of our driving trips to Provo, probably in April for a graduation, we saw something really bizarre. A whole gaggle of (male) bike riders went zooming by, wearing only speedo swim suits! Ick! You could see their tan lines - farmer tans, like returned missionaries?? What were they thinking?? I think the campus police should have investigated that. At least as suspicious as those guys in capes. It was in broad daylight!